Domestic violence by women abusers

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.  This is the Department of Justices' definition of Domestic Violence.  I only wish that pertinant parties involved held this same definition of domestic violence.                                                                                                                               

I have read much literature on this subject.  There isn't much literature to begin with.  I have a personal interset in this subjet matter.  My brother was in an abusive marraige for about 6 years.  His wife was extremely abusive.  My other brothers,sister and I suspected that she was abusive toward him but because My brother never complained, we mostly gossiped among each other about it.  I remember my brothers wife Tanya doing her best to keep my brother from having any contact with me or my other siblings.  She would tell him often that his family didn't care about him and that she was the only person that cared about him.  This approach from her is the typical approach of your garden variety abuser.  My brother really thought that he could fix his wife.  He thought that he could change her.  Once, the abuse escalated and my brother locked himself in his study and called the police for assistance.  Unfortunately, when the police arrived the cops arrested my brother because Tanya claimed that he hit her.  She was shocked that the police came, but that didn't stop her from lying and the police natural assumed that she had called.  My brother got charged with a domestic and spent two nights in jail until his arraignment.  Tanya came to his arraignment and informed the judge that my brother never hit her and that he was the one who made the call to the police.  His charges were dropped and he was released.  However, the charge will always remain on his record.  And, Tanya had no repercussions for her lying to the police nor was she ever charged with a domestic abuse charge.  The double standard is a blatant one when it comes to men being abused by women.  The resources for a male individual who is being abused by a female,who would want to seek help are minimal.  The funding is lacking because the abuse is not taken seriously.  The media doesn't take this type of abuse seriously, so why should the public?  I have come across a few good articles that address this very problem.  One that was well written and pointed out these points was from the DailyFinance.  If you are interested, I urge you to read it.

http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/01/30/a-hidden-crime-domestic-violence-against-men-is-a-growing-probl/  

I was especially impressed of the mention of the way that the media has addressed domestic violence toward men by woman.  The example the I remember in the media was the story of the comedian Phil Hartman.  I remember when he was killed by his wife.  Then his wife killed herself hours later.  I recall the media mostly grappling with the question "What would cause his wife to commit a murder-suicide"?  There was never a mention of Mr. Hartman being a victim of domestic violence.  This is infact true.  Mr. Hartman was in an abusive relationship.  His untimely death was a result of domestic violence.  Had a man killed his wife and then himself, there would be a clear headline of domestic abuse.  The media also does an excellent job of poking fun at men who claim that they are abused.  Saturday Night Live has done there fair share of making fun of men who have claimed that they have been abused by their female partner. There are plenty of videos spoofing domestic violence.  Check out this one which spoofs Chris Brown and Rihanna.  Notice toward the end that the creator adds a text of how domestic violence is no laughing matter.

It is no wonder that men are not taken seriously when claiming abuse.  That is much of the problem.  Education is needed on this subject.  The problem is very real and should be treated just as equally as any other abuse. 

I have also looked into the domestic abuse among the LGBT community.  What I found to be interesting is that domestic violence among same-sex couples was comparable in rate to that of domestic violence in straight couples.  Again the problem of male versus female comes in play.  There are more resources for lesbians who seek help for domestic abuse.  In fact, the resources for gay men who seek help for domestic abuse is practically nonexistant.  An excellent article on this subject can be found at the website The Center for American Progress.

http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/lgbt/news/2011/06/14/9850/domestic-violence-in-the-lgbt-community/

Here are some facts listed from the Department of Justice website:

In 2007, there were an estimated 2,340 domestic violence fatalities, including 1,640 females and 700 males.

Females age 12 or older experienced about 552,000 nonfatal violent victimizations by an intimate partner in 2008.

Women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner physical assaults and rapes each year.

Men experience about 2.9 million intimate partner physical assaults each year.

Children were living in the home in 38 percent of the domestic violence incidents against women and 21 percent of the incidents against men.

Domestic violence-related medical and mental health services and lost productivity cost more than $8.3 billion in 2003.

What becomes clear to me from these facts, is that domestic violence toward men is growing and will continue to grow without the proper education and information.  The most innocent of victims are the children in these homes where the violence occurs.  This is were the cycle continues.  It is no surprise that children who live in a home where they witness domestic violence for a long period of time , may grow up to be abusers as well.This is more prevelent in boys.  Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.   A website that had an abundant of information on this subject is Safe Horizon.  They also offer many resources.

http://www.safehorizon.org/index/what-we-do-2/domestic-violence--abuse-53/domestic-violence-the-facts-195.html

Domestic violence has a profound affect on many of us, whether directly or indirectly.  Hopefully with better knowledge and education we collectively can combat these issues.
-Julia Morin