"I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger...."
Today, average folks are springing for the prenup. Rich, poor and everywhere in between - engaged couples now feel the need to protect what they had before their legal union. But how does this contract affect marriages? Does it at all? What effect can a document keeping two people separate have on a contract binding two people together?
Some sources believe that the prenup can be beneficial to a marriage. It prepares the couple for anything the future may hold and serves as protection for both of them. Some see the document as "considerate" or "advisable." But the question if posed: Does the prenuptial agreement represent true love or true greed?
Benefits to a prenup:
- Clarifies money concerns between couples - answers the questions that one significant other may be too afraid to ask the other. "Prenuptial agreements and premarital contracting is the way that we can learn more about each other, make each other feel more comfortable about issues that are of concern, and certainly clarify money concerns. This way, we can talk about them, decide together how we want our marriage to work" (Edelman Financial Services LLC, 2012).
- Keeps individuals safe after a potential divorce - Every year there is one divorce for every two marriages (Edelman Financial Services LLC, 2012). Divorce is more common now than it ever has been and having an agreement to protect assets may be wise.
- Opens lines of communication - Discussing this (of course, if both partners are willing) can open up a discussion where the couple can lay everything on the table.
While a prenuptial agreement may have several advantages, there are many more sources that see the great disadvantages. They see the agreement as greedy and inconsiderate with other forces behind it.
- Does not represent marriage equality - When a prenup is being discussed, there is almost always one party that is less powerful than the other (Marston, 1997). One person has more assets than the other and wishes to protect them in case of a divorce. It creates an environment of unevenly dispersed power with one partner holding all the cards.
- Are almost always coercive - When a couple is entering into marriage, they have typically been together for some time. And with marriage on the horizon, it is safe to assume that they are probably very happy together. But when the lawyers get involved and the paperwork comes out, there is typically one member of the party who is less powerful (Israel, 2010). While the prenup may "stay in a drawer unless necessary," it will still have a devastating effect on one party. When it comes down to it and when there is nothing left to compromise on, the less powerful fiance has the choice to either break up with their significant other or sign the agreement. They almost always do the latter (Israel, 2010).
- There is often a silent party controlling the agreement - "A high number of first-marriage prenuptial agreements are initiated by the parents of the more-moneyed spouse. They are the elephant in the room who essentially coerce their son into having one. Often the marriage is at a time when the parents are relatively young (in their 50s), and the son still doesn’t have many assets, or has assets given to him by his parents. Almost all of these parents had a “real” marriage without a prenuptial agreement. They are forcing the son into a less full type of marriage than they enjoyed. They are making a huge mistake and forever have alienated the new wife and her family, thus making the marriage weaker at the outset.By trying to preserve assets for the son and reduce his risk, they have planted the seeds of destruction" (Israel, 2010).
- Create lifetime corrosive memories - "Can you imagine having a nice Thanksgiving dinner with the folks who made their grown child make you sign an agreement waiving your marital rights? Can you imagine walking down the aisle in a big wedding having waived your marital rights?" (Israel, 2010). The discussion and implementation of a prenup stirs up feelings of mistrust and doubt within a marriage and can create walls between partners and families.
Happy? Not so sure....
While reading through the benefits and disadvantages to prenuptial agreements, it seems that there are far more disadvantages than advantages. There are almost always hard feelings and marriages that anticipate divorce seem to lead to it (Stowe, 2012). The effects of prenups are typically negative for the marriage as a whole and creates vast inequities within the union.
"All is prepared for sealing and signing,
The contracts has been drafted as agreed;
Approach the table, oh ye lovers lining,
With hand and deal come execute the deed!"
- Gilbert and Sullivan, The Sorcerer (Marston, 1997)
Sources:
Edelman Financial Services LLC. (2012). Prenuptial agreements: True love or true greed? Retrieved from
http://www.ricedelman.com/cs/education/article?articleId=243&titleParam=Prenuptial%20Agreements%20
%20True%20Love%20or%20True%20Greed?
Israel, L. (2010). Ten things I hate about prenuptial agreements. Retrieved from http://www.ivkdlaw.com/the-firm/
our-articles/prenuptial-agreements-and-lawyering/ten-things-i-hate-about-prenuptial-agreements/
Marston, A. A. (1997). Planning for love: The politics of prenuptial agreements. Stanford Law Review, 49(4), 887-916.
Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/1229339
Stowe, M. (2012). Prenuptial agreements: A family affair? Retrieved from http://www.firstwivesworld.com/resources/
resource-articles/prenuptial-agreements-family-affair
Megan Clark
Rosie Nelson
Chaline Thande
Izzy Lawrence
I would love to know do people with prenups tend to have a higher or lower divorce rate than none prenup couples. This was an awesome blog,
ReplyDeleteChaline
Thank you for this blog post. I love the pictures and it reminds me of when we see young women celebrities in tabloids and magazines (i.e. people) get blamed for marrying a man (a lot of the time older) for his money. Or marrying and have a really good prenup agreement where she (the wife) gets a lot of his money upon divroce. What percent of couples get a prenup? Is it becoming more common with the divorce rate climbing? Or is it going down?
ReplyDeleteThank you,
Rosie
Also, do people in other countries get prenups? Where did they start?
ReplyDeleteThats a good Question Rosie, I'd like to know that as well!
ReplyDeleteWhile reading this I was surprised to hear that prenups are more common than they were before. When I think of people getting prenups I think of rich people who want to protect what they already have and what they will personally make later in the marriage. I guess prenups could be a good or bad thing because it brings doubt into the marriage and it says I don't trust you and I want to protect what I have if we get divorced. Which is weird for people to already be planning on how to protect themselves if they get divorced before you are already marriaged to the person which to me makes no sense. However, a prenup may work for somepeople.
ReplyDeleteDo prenups increase proportionally with divorce rates?
ReplyDelete-aarnold
I think prenups are a good way of addressing any financial issues before the couple gets married. Given that money and financial issues are one of the number ones causes of divorce, a prenup can start the conversation.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great blog, and really makes me want to understand more about the topic. To openly speculate, I wonder first if our idealization of marriage effects our emotional response to prenups. That is, a huge factor of the value we hold in marriage is romantic. However, marriage is not only a legal binding contract with consequences attached for both sides, but also a social institution to encourage building family's, as it benefits society on several levels to do so. Thus, I can understand an argument for including the option.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the balance of power you spoke of is also convincing, and likely weighted toward the male side. Thus the question is begged, might the agreement increase risk factors for abuse (financial) in some circumstances? Or the beg another question, might an assumption of no prenup somehow reinforce gender roles for women, in relying on his assets, thus enabling helplessness and continuing a lower position of power? (It sound unfair, I know, Im just speculating).
I wonder two, exactly where the line in the sand of whos what and when can be included on these contracts. Can a partner protect themselves from things like assuming credit card debt or student loans instead of their already acquired assets?
I agree with above comments that it would be interesting to compare divorce rates between prenup and non prenup marriages. Further, it would be interesting to see a collection of testimonials across the decades, and across economic and cultural groups, to see what influences partners choices. Other cohorts may also show interesting differences, for example glbt or military family's. In fact, considering some of what we have learned about military men being married for their sighing bonuses may give credence to a value in the option.
What you have shared here has directed my attention to how complicated this issue really is.
Personally, I have a jaded view when it comes to marriage, and strongly believe in the right to devorce. But I am not blind to the fact that devorces can be painful, expensive and harmful. Perhaps these contracts need to be regulated by legislation to protect parties with lesser power. Should one partner spend years outside of the workforce rearing children, than it is lutacris to allow a contract that enables the other to say thanks for all the good work, heres a bus ticket. On the other hand, I have seen marriages and relationships disolve because of one partners behavioral choices, in spending, crime, abuse, and addiction. I wonder if these contracts are unnecessary to protect the stable party from carrying these burdens beyond the end of the marriage.
People who have prenups are far more likely to seek a divorce than those who do not. With the rising divorce rates, prenup rates are rising as well. That does not say though that correlation equals causation - the rising rates could attribute to many factors such as the loosening of social stigmas attached to prenups. People in other countries do get prenups, it is not a uniquely American phenomenon. I have not found any information as to the origin of the prenup. Prenups may attribute to reinforcing gender roles but I cannot speak to this with supporting research. There is very little scholarly research done on this topic. Most of my information came from law websites. I apologize that some of your questions cannot be answered!
ReplyDeleteMegan